Anyone who’s read the The Twilight Saga series or seen the films knows that Twilight, is basically fueled by pure cheese. Cheese that we all like to eat up, myself included. I specifically remember feeling like I had to put my ovaries on life support mid-way through the first Twilight book. Aside from causing ovaries to implode, the cheese serves the purpose of making things unintentionally funny. Take these Twilight merchandise products for example:

1. Bella’s Wedding Ring - You secretly want to own this because as cheesy as it is, it’s subtle. No one else is going to know that you’re secretly married to Edward Cullen unless…they are too. Once you’ve got this baby on, you can for sure have tons of shameless sex.

2. Edward Cullen undies - How’s this for subtle: Edward’s face, is placed on the crotch. These are half creepy, half…awesome. Also, no one has to know. Just don’t wear them if you’re expecting to be getting any action.

3. Bella and Edward Barbie Dolls - Because your shrine isn’t complete without them and they make for great conversation. Or blogs. I might be known to own an Edward doll — my birthday was last week. What else would you want to get a 25 year old, right?

4. Wolf Pack…Packing Tape - Plan on moving anytime soon? The deadline for the New Home Owners Plan is coming soon. You might want to get these to show your movers that you’re on Team Jacob.

5. The Twilight Boardgame - I’m not sure if this is actually real, but who wouldn’t mind switching out Monopoly for this on Game Night?

Honorable Mention: The Sparkly Dildo
Maybe you already secretly own this. Maybe. And maybe you cool this in the refrigerator for the full effect?