So, the recent Twilight movie titled Breaking Dawn Part I, was a touchy subject. Many were unhappy that they split up the fourth adaption into two parts as it was considered unnecessary. Then the actual film sparked up some bad reviews and was deemed not worth watching. So the awesome people at The-Editing-Room have compiled their own version of how the movie should have went as for script and length titled, “The Abridged Script.”

Here’s a snippet of it:

EXT. RIDICULOUSLY EXPENSIVE MOVIE WEDDING

KRISTEN marries ROBERT as slowly as humanly possible, with a couple dream sequence versions of the wedding thrown in for extra running time. KRISTEN’S father, BILLY BURKE, walks her down the AISLE while thanklessly delivering the film’s only entertaining lines.

BILLY BURKE

Honey, I noticed that so far your entire performance has consisted of you looking like you’re trying to silently fart. Maybe you want to throw in a couple facial expressions that make it look like you’re actually, you know, happy about this?

KRISTEN STEWART

Alright, how’s this?

(bites lip)

This is smiling, right?

BILLY BURKE

Ugh. It’s a good thing this movie was split in two parts or this scene would take the 5 minutes it deserves instead of the 25 minutes that are currently making every hapless boyfriend in the audience contemplate fashioning concession stand Twizzlers into a noose.

KRISTEN marries ROBERT. They KISS, but it is so passionless that DIRECTOR BILL CONDON spins the camera around them fifteen times as a distraction.

DIRECTOR BILL CONDON

Good lord, I’m an Oscar-winning writer and I just realized when this is all over I’ll have directed more Twilight movies than anyone alive.

KRISTEN STEWART

Don’t feel bad, Twilight is like the greasy brown stain on the white briefs of many otherwise-respectable directors.

ROBERT PATTINSON

Hey Kristen, even though it’s nearly impossible for most people to even eat dinner at their own wedding, it will be easy for us to vanish into the woods for half an hour. I’ve got a surprise for you: I got Taylor Lautner to show up! Even though he was invited to the wedding and could have just attended like a normal person, this is a big deal!

KRISTEN STEWART

Yay, nothing makes a wedding more magical for a girl than embracing a guy she still has the hots for immediately after marrying a different guy!

TAYLOR LAUTNER, wearing an actual SHIRT, approaches KRISTEN.

TAYLOR LAUTNER

Hey Kristen. I’m pretty bummed about you marrying Robert, but I’m pretty jazzed that I got to tear my shirt off in literally the first eight seconds of the movie.

KRISTEN STEWART

Sorry Taylor. Let this be a lesson to all of the downtrodden, human doormat beta males in the audience: the bossy a**hole guy always gets the girl.

TAYLOR LAUTNER

So I guess the audience of clamoring fangirls is really looking forward to the honeymoon so they can see you romantically ride Robert’s razor-sharp, barbed vampire c***.

KRISTEN STEWART

Actually the whole “Twilight frenzy” thing seems to have like totally died down. All of the middle school girls that discovered masturbation while reading these books are in college now and don’t seem to give a s***. It’s pretty much just the creepy middle-aged ladies left.

TAYLOR LAUTNER

Man, f*** all of them for not coming to see Abduction.

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